Euromaidan in Kiev – “To The Barricades!” – Invasion of The Madhouse

Originally published on our Telegram channel Beorn And The Shieldmaiden

German 2014 satirical ZDF television-show “Die Anstalt” (The Madhouse) play out political cynicism and absurdity of the event in Ukraine 10 years ago

A few days ago a protester in Serbia, either really ignorant or sold-out, sported a flag with “Euromaidan” on it.

The absurdity of this is off the charts!

So, let’s return to the events of the Euromaidan in Kiev 10 years ago, which lead to the tragedy we are witnessing now.

Let’s gaze back through the prism of satire to ZDF on the 15th of March 2014 – 3 days before Crimea in a referendum decided to return home to Russia.

The brutal honesty and the razor-sharp multi-layered humour of this program leaves no doubt that the events in Kiev were correctly understood in Europe.

Enjoy the show, and remember the freedom of speech, which is now unimaginable on any mainstream Television channel in today’s “European Garden” – or, as Hitler preferred to call it “The Blessed Pastures of Europe”.

Nowadays, the whole program, had anyone been allowed to produce it in the first place, would have immediately been banned as “Putin’s Propaganda” threatening “our democracy” – yes, criminal charges would probably have been the result.

2014 is only 10 years ago, nevertheless watching this show resembles something from another world.

In English:

In Russian:

👉 Regrettably, there are elements in the wordplays on linguistic connotations that have not been within our translation skills to convey into English.

The transcripts of the subtitles

“THE MADHOUSE”
“Pension is guaranteed”
To the barricades!
♪ A song from Andrew Lloys Webber’s musical “Les Miserables” is playing… ♪
Mr. von Wagner?!
Mr. Uthoff, how did you get past the barricades?
I took the elevator!
That’s what happens when you have to make barricades without barriers, Mr. Tymoshenko!
I …
What are you doing here, anyway?
You… What are you doing here?
What have you set up here, anyway? Is it the Paralympics?
A play on “7 Tage, 7 Köpfe”, (“7 days, 7 heads”) a German comedy TV program by RTL Television.
“Seven days, seven braids”? Or what?
Well, can’t you see? We are making a revolution!
Come on, you’re just dumbing down with the people!
Well, this has proven effective in popular uprisings!
We just came to…
Tell me, and why is there something written in Cyrillic letters on the banner?
Actually: “Pension is guaranteed”
Solidarity with Ukraine!
Ye-e-es!
The time has come for our citizens to carry the flame of the revolution in their hearts,
and to sweep away these corrupt elites!
Ye-e-es!
And what? You want to achieve this by staging “Les Miserables” musical?
Remember: “We must make these petrified relations dance by chanting before them their own melody!”
Excellent! Is that Andrew Lloyd Webber?
Karl Marx!
And who are these people?
“Pussy Riot”- The West’s uncultured patsies in Russia.
Everyone here is a rebel ready to fight! Let me introduce to you: Comrade Pussy,
and this is Comrade Pussy.
Busse is the name of the actor in the role of Tymoshenko.
– Busse! – Yes, right!
And who is that guy in the right sector?
The infamous “Right Sector” neo-Nazi organisation in Ukraine.
We prefer not to find out exactly, but he got weapons for us!
Stop it!
Have you forgotten who we are?
No, we are the invaders of the Madhouse!
That’s right, the Action of Fanatical Democrats.
AFD is the abbreviation of the right-wing electoral bloc in Germany – “Alternative for Germany”
In short, AFD.
No, it’s better to leave the long name…
And we’ve gathered here to objectively explain the background of politics.
Let me guess, is he responsible for the good mood here?
Mr. Uthoff, this time you will not be able to extinguish our revolutionary flame!
Isn’t that right, men?
Listen, do you really think that today,
such important things as a revolution are trusted to the amateur volunteers like you?
We’re not amateurs…
OK, we’re here as volunteers, but we’re not…
Volunteers? Without money?! We agreed on something else!
We’re splitting up!
What did he say?
You can go now!
In 2014, Yulia Timoshenko was playing a part of a crippled victim of Yanikovich.
A miracle!
I can go now!
Mr. von Wagner, revolutions, like the one in Ukraine, are today organized by professionals,
for example, by this one!
Yes, Vitali Klitschko, that’s a revolutionary!
Have you ever heard him speak fluently?
Don’t be biased, he’s been wearing teeth protection all his life.
I wanted to say, he can’t even speak Ukrainian properly, but he wants to become president!
Joackim Gauk – the President of Germany
Come on, as a citizen, I would also be glad if I didn’t understand every word that Gauck says.
Forget…
forget this puppet of the Konrad Adenauer foundation, the real pro is on the right,
John McCain, former US presidential candidate.
On Maidan in December.
McCain? What is he offering there, French fries?
He and his foundation have been working for a long time to make for the Ukrainians
a democracy compatible with a market economy, pleasant to the taste.
Yeah, it’s just going to make them puke…
Yes, in the direction of the West!
The Americans invested a total of 5 billion dollars in the coup in Ukraine…
Yes, that’s what Putin says!
No, Victoria Nuland!
Fuck you!
A quote of Vicky Nuland.
Fuck the EU!
Just look at what the American Deputy Foreign Minister is doing on the Maidan in December…
Just look at the American woman as the baker of the Ukrainian Revolution!
Just imagine it the other way around: Putin goes to the Occupy Wall Street movement,
distributes “solyanka” (stew), and billions of dollars,
and then stands up and says: “Mr. President, tear down this Wall Street!”
A reference to Reagan’s speech, and then Yatsenyuk’s “Tear down this wall!”
Well, okay,
Well, okay, now we have clarified that the Americans are the bad ones,
but what about the Russians, can they just attack a sovereign state?
You are probably going to tell me they are only celebrating carnival there,
“Russian Monday” in Crimea?
“Rosenmontag” – “Rose Monday” – the peak of carnivals in Germany.
With a military uniform from… from… from the carnival store!
Putin is dancing a lambada, grabbing Ukraine from backside’a!
You know what I’ll tell you?
The Russians… What they did there is a violation of the international law!
The American Foreign Minister John Kerry said it well:
“You do not attack countries under false pretext in order to push your own interests.”
May I hear this sentence again?
Yes, of course, so:
“You do not attack countries under false pretext in order to push your own interests.”
Title: “These Are Saddam’s Weapons”
Fuck you!
The language of diplomacy…
suffered a little in the era of propaganda.
When everything points to war, the enemy’s voices are most likely to be listened to,
that is, everything that the Russian secret service reveals to us.
Thoughts about how they imagine the future of Ukraine, or about who actually shot on the Maidan,
fly freely from the lips of the imperialists and the members of Western governments.
The German media usually don’t really find out about this, because they are too busy with their
shortwave radios, where they search for the news that confirm their prejudices about the “evil Putin”.
And then Hitler comparisons shoot haltingly up like crocuses in dog poop.
With all Nazi comparisons, however, it’s always true that not everything that limps is Josef Goebbels.
It goes without saying that Frank Steinmeier, our new minister,
is the best German foreign minister since Guido Westerwelle.
Who was the previous minister.
Steinmeier, our four-star diplomat, already at the Munich security conference,
ordered the democratically elected president of Ukraine
that he must immediately recognize all the demands of the demonstrators.
Yes, this is a long-standing tradition in our country, where every protest
movement that does not hide in time, is immediately recognized.
After all, this fuels conflicts and is good for our arms exports.
In reality, this is unpleasant:
the German foreign policy has been suffering from “premature escalation” for many years.
But what an influence our minister Meier Franken-Stein has!
People stand there, in the cold for several months, then shots are fired, blood is shed,
and only when the danger of hearing Steinmeier’s speech approaches,
everyone quickly sits down at the negotiating table and signs.
Frankmeier… Frank-Walter Steinmeier also signed this agreement,
and the man signs everything!
I’m afraid to even guess how many magazines he has already signed up to!
And then he enthusiastically shakes the hands of the Nazis from the Svoboda party,
and is surprised that this agreement is violated by this dark rabble within an hour.
I think this is worthy of the Guinness Book of Records:
just five weeks after the update of German foreign policy,
the Nazis settled in the Ukrainian government.
It has never before been so convenient to watch how the West
is instrumenting a country as if it were a new globalised shopping mall.
The IMF…
the IMF offered Yanukovych several billion, but only on the condition
that he raises the gas prices by 40%, to the market level.
But even a greedy buffoon like him couldn’t agree to that,
and immediately, international PR was unleashed at full force.
You should not get confused here, this is not some kind of a conspiracy theory,
this is a common conspiracy practice.
The demonstrators have been freezing off their asses for months on Maidan, and what will they get as a result?
Higher gas prices!
Well, yes, dear Ukrainians, these are the side effects of freedom.
Actually, I wanted to defend Putin here,
he may also have own interests,
he may also lose his temper if NATO, breaking all promises, creeps right under the pelt;
but then I saw that his friend, Schroeder, was already defending him with a wonderful argument:
“I, too, bombed Serbia back then in violation of the international law,
and therefore now there is no need to wave at Putin with a finger.”
Well, it’s well known that Schroeder has always shown international law the middle finger.
But now I have to change my mind again, because if history has taught us anything, it’s this:
if Schroeder finds something right, then it can’t be possibly right.
And that’s why…
Excuse me, don’t you see I was in the middle of my monologue?
Oh, so sorry, Mr. Uthoff!
Of course, we all find it very formidable how you chisel the satirical stucco on the bourgeois ceiling of conditions.
You don’t chisel stucco!
That’s exactly what I mean, finish with your fancy phrases, we want heads to finally roll!
That’s right!
Why not, we have a guillotine here.
Oh, I can’t look at blood!
It’s okay, we got it from the “Humane Decapitation Society”.
Now I want to hear your suggestions. Whom do you want to?
Yanukovych, Yanukovych!
What is he charged with?
– He oppressed his people! – Yes, right!
But he was chosen by his people…
Yes, the OSCE said that too…
Come on, if we started getting rid of every democratically elected representative
that our people didn’t like, then we would have to go to the polls again…
t.me/BeornAndTheShieldmaiden